Mother's Day 2012

This is my 300th post! And I think Mother's Day is the perfect day to celebrate my 300th post since this blog was created to document me becoming a mother.

Mother's Day has been extremely hard for me for the past few years. But this year was different, and not just because of the obvious reason. This year was a little bittersweet because my first twins that I miscarried we're due Mother's day weekend last year, so they would have been turning one. It still hurts to think about them and what they would have been like. I still wonder what went wrong and what I did to deserve that kind of loss after all the pain we had already been through trying to get pregnant.

But this year is also more than I could ever ask for because I have Chloe and Connor...

Two babies I wouldn't have if I didn't go through that first lost.

I can't imagine my life without them.

I've finally been able to experience the joy of Mother's Day and it was everything I had always dreamed of.

Motherhood is definitely a lot different than I ever imagined. It's a lot of hard work. But it's all worth it. Everything we've been through has been completely worth being with my babies every day.

Thank you David for making my first Mother's Day so special. And thank you Connor and Chloe for making me a momma!

From one mom to another...

I'll finally get to experience my first Mother's Day this weekend and I'm so excited! I know there will be plenty of tears of joy in the next few days and this letter I received from my mom this morning started it all off!

Mom, thank you for recognizing how significant this day is for me.

Grab your Kleenex people!

Dear Tara,

With Mother’s Day coming up, I recently looked back at your blog for the past two years and read each posting one by one. You have been through more in the past few years than many girls will ever experience. As hard as it was, I think it has made you a stronger person and an even better mother!


 In the last year, you had to face a lot of difficult times during what should have been a very exciting time of pregnancy. The health issues towards the end were very scary but you stayed strong and determined to make it through. Then, when they finally got here, you had to stay strong for Chloe, yet try to be there for Connor as much as you could.


 Once they were both home, you gave them all your time, energy and motherly love, 24/7! I know you suffered through a lot of sleepless nights and tried to do all you could on your own and you did a wonderful job! They are sleeping through the night because of your determination and hard work to get them there!


I can only imagine how hard it was for you to go back to work and leave them in the care of someone else who you barely know. I’m sure you miss them during the time you have to be away from them but once again, you are doing what you feel is best for them by continuing to work to provide a better life for them.


Then there’s the issue of breastfeeding two babies!! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that you would be able to do it but you did! You have provided your babies with the best nutrition to help them grow. This, too, has been a struggle for you but your determination to do what is best for them has kept you going, even when you wished you could give it up. I know it has been difficult and bothersome at times, but you will look back some day and be so glad that you did it for as long as you did.


The day I saw you hold your babies for the very first time (after having to wait 12 hours), had to be one of the happiest days of all our lives. I know this is something you have wanted for a very long time and you are so blessed to have two beautiful, healthy babies!! A warm feeling of joy goes through me every time I see you with them, laughing and kissing them! Just in the short time you have become a mother, you have made me so proud. You are already an amazing mother and you have so many years of happiness ahead of you!


Hope you have a nice, relaxing weekend. Enjoy every minute of this, your first Mother’s Day, because it is now your day to celebrate!!


 I love you,
 Mom


 P.S. Thank you for two beautiful grand-children!

Just because

I haven't posted in a while so here are some pictures of the babies from this morning.

Things are going good. We're still struggling with what to do after I pick them up from day care. This is definitely their "witching hour" but it really should be called "witching hours" because it's on and off all night until bath time.

 So what we do right now is play time on the floor for a little bit and then feed around 5:15. Then a little bit more playtime and then nap time. While all of this is happening, David has been the one doing the playing and rocking Connor to sleep while I run around crazy trying to get things done around the house and eat dinner before the next feeding, then bath, then bedtime. If I don't do it all then, I'm not in bed until at least 10:00 and that's VERY late for someone that wakes up at 4:45 am! I feel so rushed at night to try to fit everything in and get to spend a little bit of time with them too.  It's not fair!

We're making the slow transition to formula from breast milk. This is happening because of basic supply and demand. They're eating more during the day at daycare in bottles than I'm able to pump while I'm at work and all of my back up storage is almost all gone. So we're supplementing almost half and half right now and are working towards finding a formula that works before we go to all formula feedings and I start weaning myself off breastfeeding and pumping. We've just switched to soy formula instead of the milk-based because they were having really bad gas and tummy issues with the milk-based. I can already tell a difference after just one day of the soy, so I hope we're headed into the right direction and it leads to less fussiness at night.