Ok, Ok...I know I'm on a "break" from blogging, but I felt that this was something pretty important to post about (since it's the reason for my break in the first place!)
This week is National Infertility Awareness week. And as you all know, we've been struggling with infertility for 3 1/2 years now. Yes, I did get pregnant, but it was with assistance and as you might have figured out, I haven't been able to get pregnant since. We are still struggling with infertility and there is more to our story that I haven't shared yet. I promise I will one day, just not today.
Last year, I posted this. And at the time, I honestly didn't think I would still be posting about this crap. I thought I would be posting my babies' Easter pics.
I also posted this video. And it still makes me cry, maybe even a little bit more.
I'm not going to preach to everyone about what to say or what not to say to an infertile person. I not going to go on and on about how everything makes me feel, because honestly, no one can possibly understand it unless they have personally been through it.
I just want everyone to be AWARE. That's all.
I also wanted to share this post made by The Inadequate Conception. She always seems to nail exactly what I'm feeling every time:
Stressing me out
In recognition of National Infertility Awareness Week, I wanted to devote a post to Resolve's Bust an Infertility Myth theme. I'm busting the myth that not having children isn't stressful. I hear parents complain all of the time about their kids making them crazy because they drew on the walls with markers, puked in their bed, shoved a pickle up their nose, forgot about their science project until the night before it was due; the list goes on and on...
However, the stress of not being a parent or trying to become one is also incredibly daunting, and I think much worse.
As my pregnancy virgins and I know, the stress of not being able to conceive can overtake your life - your relationships with your spouse, your family and friends, your finances, and your dreams. Don't forget the stress on your body, mind and spirit (perhaps that's part two of this post).
Your marriage:I've never been close to the brink of divorce, but I know of infertile couples who have (and some who have even split up). When trying to conceive completely consumes your life, it consumes your marriage, too. Being tethered to the doctor's office, being told when to have sex, hormonal outbursts from fertility drugs, and blame games on why she can't conceive are enough to rock the strongest marriage. Add to all of this, the fact that the one person who completely understands what you're going through, is going through the same horrible thing. Ugh, even writing all of this is stressing me out.
Your family and friends:Relationships with family and friends can also change dramatically when you're dealing with infertility. There always seems to be a teenage second cousin who gets pregnant or a hyper-fertile friend who "wasn't even trying" to bring up a lot of resentment and bitterness. And, as much as we try for this not to happen, it can just be inevitable. Heap on the sometimes insensitive, but well-intentioned "advice" that we're sometimes given about "not stressing", "just adopting" and "trying a conceptionmoon", and it's enough to drive friendships apart. And, when you're the only friend at brunch who doesn't have a "birthing story", you can find yourself jealous of episiotomies and C-sections. I've seen several posts along these lines around the infertile blogosphere. Tension-filled rooms at family gatherings asking "when are you going to start having kids?" can also result in a moratorium on Sunday dinners at the in-laws.
Your finances:Fertility treatments, adoption home studies, background checks, and attorney fees, and the countless bottles of wine and retail therapy can set your finances into a tailspin. Do you put a new roof on your house with a leaking ceiling or do an IVF cycle? Put brakes on your car or buy a round of follistims? Take out a loan to get pregnant? I know of women who've had yard sales, just to pay for an IUI. Truly, thinking about the money we've spent on fertility treatments makes me a little sick to my stomach (would do it all over again, but still very stressful!).
Your dreams:If you've gone through fertility treatments, the process to adopt or other family building methods and no child comes into your life, there is the definite and heart-breaking loss of a dream. You may find yourself wandering about the 4-bedroom house that you bought to fill with children or aimlessly driving around in your SUV with a third row of seats - empty. I mourn things like Saturday morning pancakes made by daddy, fun at the zoo, running through my neighborhood with a jog stroller - dreams I've had since the day I met my husband. And, that can be the most stressful feeling of all.
So, as difficult as parenting may be, I'd take the stress of being a mom over the stress of not any minute of any day.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I've decided to take a break from the blog. I know what you're thinking..."you don't really post anything anymore anyway!". Well, that's because nothing really exciting is going on in our lives at this moment. In fact, it's the exact opposite of exciting.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions each day, just to get through it and try to move on to the next day...if that makes any sense.
We're going through an extremely difficult and emotional time right now, and I think it would be best if I just stayed away from the blog. Let's face it, who wants to read about how David mowed the yard and I cleaned house each and every weekend? I don't even take pictures anymore, and I realize how boring it is to read posts with no pictures!
I'm just trying avoid the sad, depressing posts about Easter and Mother's Day and my upcoming due date for the twins. I want to get through all of that and our next adventure and hopefully come back refreshed with a new outlook on life.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Today marks the 16th anniversary of the OKC Bombing.
I was in seventh grade at Indepence Middle School in Yukon, OK (just about 15 minutes away from the site).
I personally didn't feel anything, but I remember kids talking about how they were out in classes in the portable buildings and that they could feel it. Like a little earthquake.
My mom worked close to downtown at the time and they could really feel it there.
I can remember when word first started going around school that something had happened. There was a bomb? Do seventh graders really understand what that means? I don't think I did. I just remember hearing that something had happened and a friend of ours was being taken home by the school counselor because something had happened to his dad.
It wasn't until after I got home from school and saw it all over the tv, and had relatives calling to see if we were ok, did I realize how bad this really was.
April 19th will always be a day of rememberance. Do you remember where you were?
Monday, April 18, 2011
We had a garage sale at the house on Saturday and it was a big success! A few weeks ago, I started looking around the house and I realized that I had a bunch of stuff in almost all of our closets that wasn't being used. It was mostly home decor that I had brought from the old house and has planned on putting it somewhere in the new house when I had found the perfect spot for it. Well, all of the spots had been taken over by new stuff and I realized the old stuff would never be used. So I needed to get rid of it. I didn't think I had enough stuff for a full on garage sale, so I invited my friend Kristen to bring some of her items over. We both ended up having more to sell than we originally thought we would and it turned into a pretty big sale. We had a pretty cute Lemonade vendor out front too.This is Addy, Kristen's daughter. She asked everyone that came up the driveway if they wanted some lemonade. If they said yes, she would pour them a cup of lemonade and then tell them "Now you need to give me money" with a really cute 4 year old smile attached to it. That was her way of asking for a tip. How can you resist that?!? I got rid of most of my junk and made $403.75! My first purchase I made with my earnings was 2 of these:
Something else for David to assemble! As of right now, David has 6 chairs, one bench, and one side table waiting in the garage for assembly. And these stools are supposed to arrive sometime later this week, so I think he's got a full weekend! :)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
He hides our biggest rewards behind our highest barriers.
I'm not an overly spiritual person and my faith has definitely been tested over the last 3 years. But when I saw this yesterday, it filled my heart, I took a deep breath, and I feel like I stood a little taller afterwards.
Friday, April 1, 2011
This is the look I got this morning. I was disturbing Brutus' sleep time.
They sleep in the laundry room and our morning routine goes like this...when I get up, I go wake them up, drag them out of bed, and make them go outside. I give them a few minutes and then I let them back in and feed them. Then they go back to sleep! I wish I had that kind of morning schedule. But when it's time for me to leave for work, I'm going in and out of the laundry room because I take stuff out to the car and start it to warm it up and then I come back inside and do a few more things, and then I'm going back through the laundry room to leave. Peanut hides under his blanket, sound asleep, but Brutus acts so annoyed with me (especially this morning when I had to stop and snap his picture!)