2010 Wrap Up

2010 is finally over and I'm so ready to move on. But first, I decided to make a year-end post...a summary of the bigger posts from the past year.

Everyone that reads my blog knows what kind of roller coaster year we've had. Or maybe I'm just a roller coaster of emotions...who knows! Our struggle with infertility has been drawn out yet another year and this January will mark 3 years of trying to conceive.
Over the past year, we have been through 4 IUIs, 3 months on birth control to try to get rid of cysts on my ovaries, one Laparoscopy to remove endometriosis, a PREGNANCY (yah!), and a devastating miscarriage which led to a D&C and genetic testing.
Right now I feel more frustrated than ever because we got so close and then it all came crumbling down harder than ever. I truly feel like the loss was more devastating then the infertility. It's a whole new worry for me now. My concerns now aren't about if we will ever GET pregnant, it's about if we will be able to STAY pregnant and actually have a baby. I really don't know how I would handle another miscarriage.

We also had some good times this past year. We were lucky enough to go on 3 vacations this year.

First we went skiing in February...

In June, we went to Playa del Carmen with my parents for their 30th Anniversary...


And a few weeks ago we went on our first cruise to Key West and the Bahamas...

We also made a trip to Alabama to visit my family for Thanksgiving.

And don't forget a few dozen or so trips to the lake...




Including Brutus' first time on the boat.

I threw my first baby shower for my friend Chelsea...

And then Bobby was born...


I had my 10 year high school reunion...


David and I both turned another year older in August...


We saw friends get married...


But I do have to say...I think my most favorite moment of 2010 was when I got to see this...

As devastating as losing the twins was, I wouldn't take back getting pregnant in a heartbeat. I went from being the happiest I have ever been to being hurt and more depressed than I have ever been. As much as I wish the miscarriage never happened, I'm still extremely happy that I was pregnant with them and that I got to experience that part of it, even if it was just for a short time. I got to experience true happiness and I hope I never forget that feeling. I will never forget them and they will always be a part of me.

Now I'm ready to move on to 2011!

Happy New Year!

Moving On...

I made it through Christmas! Even though I was really dreading the whole thing, it turned out a lot better than I expected. Nothing too eventful happened, but no tragedies either.

Christmas Eve was spent with David's family. The highlight was watching the little ones open their gifts and get excited to play with their new toys. We had good food and a couple rounds of Catch Phrase and then it was time to go home.

Christmas day we got up and headed down to my parent's house at the lake. My brother, his girlfriend and their kids came, and my other brother brought his new girlfriend. More good food and a bunch of gifts. I got one gift in particular that said from Santa...it was another diamond band to add to my wedding set! Thank you Santa ;)

Christmas night we came home and watched a few movies and hung out with the puppies.

The next day we were on the road again...we spent a few hours with David's grandparents and then did a little truck shopping for David.

Yesterday I ran a few errands to get ready for the New Year's Eve party this weekend and then we went and bought this...

David got a new truck! Not the best picture, but they've already taken the pictures of it down from the dealer website that I planned on posting. And I figured I needed to put at least one picture in this post!
Dealer's are trying really hard to get rid of all the new 2010's by the end the of the year so they are having major sales. And David's been having a few minor problems with his old truck (also in the picture next to the new truck), that could eventually turn into major problems. It's a little bit of an upgrade for him so he's really excited about it.

All in all...Santa was good to both of us :)

Cruise Details

When we arrived in Miami on Monday, the weather wasn't too bad. It was definitely warmer there than it was when we left Tulsa that morning. But when we departed the port, the wind kicked up and it was freezing!

But we had to stay out on the deck to see the sights of Miami!
This is for all of you Dexter fans...do you remember where Harry found Dexter in the cargo thing in the port? This is the exact port! I couldn't help but take a picture...dorky, I know...

Even though the temperature was in the 50's when we were leaving Miami, there were tons of people in the ocean surfing. All of those little black dots are crazy people!

It was extra windy so that meant big waves and that meant you could feel the ship moving big time. I was afraid we were both going to get sick because I didn't expect it to feel like that at all. But thanks to some special patches we got to put behind our ears (thanks Chelse!), we didn't even get a hint of motion sickness the whole trip. It was a different story for a bunch of people on board though.

After all of the sites were gone, we explored the ship a little bit and then went back to our room to get ready for dinner.

And after our round of $9 a piece drinks, we decided to call it a night. It had been a long day of traveling.

The second day, we arrived to a windy, cloudy, 55 degree Key West. It was miserable outside, but we felt like we needed to get out and see at least the most popular part of Key West. We bought a $5 sweatshirt and found a local bar to sit in all day.

We had to be back at the ship early that day, around 2:30, so we decided to take a nap and when we got up we got ready for dinner.

The next day, we had some time on the ship in the morning to sleep in, go eat breakfast, and lay around the pool until we arrived in Nassau around 1:00. It was still a little chilly at 65 degrees but the sun felt good and we were determined to go to the beach for the day. The boat ride to the island was a little miserable because of the cool wind.

But it was worth it to hang out here all day...

Some crazy people that came to the island from the ship too were snorkeling with stingrays! I just couldn't do it...1)because the water was colder than ice and 2)Didn't a stingray kill the Crocodile Hunter?!?!

We mainly just laid around all day and looked at this...

When we got back to the ship, we had planned on changing clothes and going back out to explore Nassau since we were going to be docked there until midnight, but it was so cold and windy and it was a pain in the rear to stand in line to get back to the port to go back to the ship. So we decided to go to an early dinner to stuff our faces at the fattest place possible on the ship.

After dinner we headed out to the pool deck for a party. Notice how we are wearing the same Key West sweatshirt and jacket?! We did not prepare with warm clothes at all so I pretty much wore the same thing every day!

The next day I woke up so excited because the sun was out, it was warm, and I didn't have to wear my sweatshirt!
We got up early for breakfast and headed down to try to board the first ferry over to CocoCay, an island just for the cruise ships.

Look how clear the water is...

Unfortunately, this is as far as I got in the water because it was FREEZING! I wanted to go snorkeling so bad because the water was so clear and it was so pretty. And there were tons of crazy people out there doing it and coming back and talking about all the cool stuff they saw. So I was get excited and try to run out to the water to try to get in again and then I just couldn't do it.

At the end of the day, we headed back to the ship and watched the sun set before the ship took off for home.

This was our first cruise, and even though it was really nice just to get away and see the different places and to reconnect with each other after everything we've been though lately, my opinion about the cruise is this...
If we decided to do it again we would 1)Look into bigger, nicer ships. Ours seemed a little outdated compared to the others in the ports we saw and I really didn't do much research about it before we booked it. 2)It might be a little more fun with a few more people. We enjoy each other's company, but we might have enjoyed the party atmosphere a little better with a few more people.
I also feel like for the cost of everything... the flight to the port, the cruise itself, having to pay for all of your drinks including your pop, all of the little extras like huge tips they are all expecting...we could have gone to an all inclusive resort for the week and not worried about a thing. I think that's more our style. I might just be a tight wad about it, but this was just a quick last minute trip we planned when we lost the babies and we really didn't save up money to go, so it might have been a little different if we had prepared. I just felt like we couldn't kick back and hang out each night because we were too worried about the sticker shock of our tab at the end of the trip. But we did enjoy the experience and spending time with each other. We really needed it.

Cruise

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We're Back!

We got home from our cruise on Friday night after a long day of traveling and one missed flight.

I will post all about the trip after I get all of my pictures uploaded. But for now, I will leave you with the cheesy pictures we paid too much for...

This picture was taken right before we got on the ship.

This one was taken at the sail away party on the pool deck when we were leaving Miami. It was so cold!
This one was taken at dinner the first night.
This was taken at the formal dinner the second night.

After we saw all of these, we really wished we would have taken more of the cheesy pictures with the cool backgrounds. We saw the photographers taking pictures all over the place but we really didn't know what they would look like and I was taking pictures of my own, so I really didn't think it was a big deal. But we'll know better next time!

Back to dark

For now...

Another Xmas Party pic

This is another picture of David and I at my company Christmas party this past weekend.

Not the greatest of me, but I don't have a lot of up to date pictures of us together.

Partial Results

Yesterday, I got the results from the genetic testing for one of the babies. The result came back "Normal Female". So that means there was nothing genetically wrong with her. Which is good news that nothing was wrong with our combination of sperm and egg, but now it just leaves more questions for me about what went wrong.

The other baby sample is growing a lot slower so it's going to be a little longer until we know the results for that one. They take the cells from what they removed during the D&C and grow them in a dish until the sample is ready for testing.

Company Christmas Party

Friday night was my company Christmas party. We didn't really decide to go until the day before. I wasn't sure if I was really in the mood or not. But I'm glad we decided to go. It was a free night out together with free food, open bar, casino games with play money and my most favorite of all...a photo booth! This is the BEST idea ever! They supply the props and all you do is hop in and it starts snapping away.

If it didn't cost something like $800 or something, I would so have this at our next get together.

New Camera

Do you remember how I posted about doing a little Black Friday shopping online? Well this is what I bought:

How fabulous is that?!?! I love it. It's so small and cute and so far I like the pictures it takes. My old point and shoot was only 7 mega pixels and this one is 14. It also has some pretty cool features that include panorama, fish eye, and a setting that makes everything black and white except for one dominant color. The image stabilizer is very good as far as I can tell. I haven't had any blurry images with it so far. It seemed like all the images from my old camera were either blurry or fuzzy, so this is an improvement for me and the main reason I wanted a new camera. I can't wait to use it on the trip!

Here are a few pictures I took with it last night.

So NOT thrilled.

I had to go wake this one up and dig him out of the blanket to get a snap of him.

I also took some pictures of David but he has this new policy where he has to approve a picture before it's posted here or on facebook. What a Diva! I'm not going to post a bad picture of him.

How the Holidays make me feel...

When I get to work in the morning and log onto my computer the AOL home page always pops up. And I normally scroll through the stories at the top of the page before moving on to something else. The stories usually have to do with breaking news, something about the government or the stock market, and some items pertaining to what time of year it is.

Well this morning, this was story #3. And since I related to every single word that was written, I thought I would share it...


Tips for Facing Infertility During the Holidays
Every bit as much as she embraces sharing the holidays with family and friends, Lori LeRoy says staring at the cards already arriving in her mailbox featuring the faces of smiling babies delivers a gripping sadness. It is a silent grief, she tells ParentDish, and one she will wear just beneath the smile she brings to the holiday table.For six years, the Indianapolis public relations director and her husband, Nick, have been through the grueling process of infertility treatments.

Despite being able to belt out a whooping 22 eggs, oral hormones, in vitro fertilization and myriad treatments, which she ticks off like they were items on a menu, the couple has hit a fertility wall."I was strolling around Target last weekend, wiping away tears after seeing the cutest Santa onesies, stocking and toys," the 30-something LeRoy tells Parent Dish. "I think this season, I'll shop online to avoid a lot of potential heartache."

This year, even though LeRoy began her day running in a 5K Turkey Trot with close friends and will be surrounded at the table by her parents, aunt and uncle, nieces and nephews, her sister's family and her husband at her side, she says she feels utterly alone. "We're calling them the 'hellidays,' " LeRoy says, referring to a pact with a friend who also is facing the holidays without a child.

Lori and her husband Nick have been dealing with fertility treatments for six years. Credit: Darren HoInfertility is a painful reality for 6 million women and men across the country, who find themselves in the midst of a holiday season that signals a time of celebration when their own uncertain futures seem sad, says Kristen Lohman Burris, an Idaho acupuncturist who treats hundreds of women facing infertility at her center.Burris, who struggled with her own fertility issues for years, now has twins, and tells ParentDish she wants to send a message of hope to infertile couples: "You are not alone." One out of every 10 couples in the United States is infertile, according to the American Fertility Association."One of the most painful experiences of one's life is the inability to conceive or stay pregnant," Burris tells ParentDish. "During the holidays people love to tell stories about their children -- what their children are doing in school, athletic achievements and funny anecdotal stories."

To help ease the heartbreak and tensions throughout the holiday season, Burris and other experts offer key survival strategies:Smooth talk: Find a subtle way to let family members know that, yes, you are trying, but you'd rather focus on enjoying the holiday instead of talking about it right now, Elan Simckes, M.D., forFertility Partnership of St. Peters, Mo., tells ParentDish. "If your relatives don't get the message -- we all have that sweet-but-a-little-obtuse aunt, right? -- think of a short answer to the question before heading to the party, so you won't be put on the spot with nothing to say," Simckes says. "Be armed with other interesting news or information to share with your relatives, so you can give your answer to the baby question and then quickly turn the conversation in another direction.

"Ban the baby department: During shopping treks to the mall, steer clear of the baby section, Burris advises.Home alone: Staying in is not always a bad option, as holiday gatherings typically revolve around children, says Iris Waichler, author of "Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to Educate and Inspire."

"Give yourself a break from the ongoing parties and celebrations that you are not ready to participate in," she tells ParentDish.Start new traditions. Create a new or different holiday ritual with your partner or close friends or family members as a way of acknowledging the holidays in a lower key, comfortable manner, Waichler says.

Create mantras: Burris suggests couples struggling with fertility should create an arsenal of internal mantras: "I will not be childless forever." "I will have stories to share like this one day, too."Cry, baby: If all else fails, Burris recommends fleeing to the bathroom "for a good cry."

Like many couples, LeRoy has employed her sense of humor as a secret survival weapon. On behalf of other couples facing infertility this holiday season, she is launching her own Internet campaign: "National Don't Send Me Christmas Cards with Photos of Your Kids on Them Month," on her blog, "Fertility Foibles."There, she chronicles the lighter side of infertility, "trying to find funny or awkward moments throughout the process of trying to get pregnant and pointing out the absurdity of some of it," she says.

"Getting cards with kids playing in the snow or dressed in matching sweaters is usually enough to send me and many other 'infertiles' over the edge," LeRoy tells ParentDish. "So, this year, snarky and bitter though it is, I am hoping to save some friends 44 cents by asking them not to send me a card. If that doesn't work, I'd advise people to just throw them away before they open them."

In an effort to tap into their parenting instincts, LeRoy and her husband have four rescued pets (three cats and a Labrador) and are adopting a second English Lab this Thanksgiving. They've also been mired in red tape in an effort to adopt a 3-year-old boy from an orphanage in Vietnam. She says that sometimes what helps most "is to know that I am not alone."