Things I'm looking forward too...

We have a few events coming up that I'm really looking forward to.

First, we're leaving for our annual ski trip in Colorado in 15 days! I'm so excited because I didn't know if I was going to get to ski or not this year because of the IUIs. But it turns out I do, and evn though I'm sad that we have to skip the IUI, the skiing makes up for it a little bit. This year, we're skiing for 4 days instead of 3 like we've done in the past. I'm sure we're going to be exhausted by the end of the week, but it's going to be a lot of fun.

Here's a few pictures from last year's trip...

And then next I have Chelsea's baby shower on March 6th. I really hope I can make it really fun and special for her!

Then we have the official start of the lake season...Memorial weekend. It's 117 days away and I hope we get our butts in shape by then!


Then we have something really exciting...We're going to Mexico!!! I think this is the event I'm most looking forward to! My parents are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary and they want us to go with them. We can't wait!


Then we have my 10 year high school reunion and I can't wait to see everyone. People have been posting pictures from high school on facebook and it's been a lot of fun looking at them and thinking about old memories.



But right now I need to go watch the Grammy's. Goodnight!

Another day in the snow

This morning, David had to go out to clear a path to get the truck out. So we let the dogs go out front with us. Brutus had a pretty good time...

Peanut still wanted nothing to do with the snow, but I got some really good pictures of Brutus.




I can't wait to get my new camera! Then the pictures will be really good!

Snow Day

The storm started yesterday and they let me go home from work around 1:15 before it got really bad. When I left work, I had to drive in a lot of freezing rain and that continued for most of the night. So I thought for sure I wouldn't have to go in to work this morning. But when I got up, I called the office and the outgoing message said that we would be open today but that employees should take their time getting to work because of the bad roads. So, I get all ready to get out and brave the drive. The first few miles from the house were the worst. I watched the suv in front of me slide off the road and go into the ditch and almost hit a tree.

When I got to work I was surprised to find only 3 other people in my department there! Did I miss something?!?!? The message said the office was open so why am I one of the only ones here?!?! I watched the news when I got to work and they kept saying that the roads are going to get worse because the snow is now coming in and it's going to get heavier throughout the day. So when my boss finally got there, I went in and told her what the news said and that I was going home because if no one else has to be here, neither do I!

I made it home and woke the puppies up from their nap in the laundry room. I was anxious to see Brutus out in the snow. He LOVES the snow. He just runs around and doesn't want to come back inside.

And when he wasn't out in the snow, he was at the window watching it...

Peanut, on the other hand, hates the snow. This was the only picture I could get of him out in the snow.

He prefers to stay in by the fire.

Here are some pictures of the snow and ice.

It's not good news...

I got all excited this weekend when my next cycle started because that meant that on Monday I could call the doctor and start the next round of IUI. So, first thing Monday morning, I called and left a message for the IUI nurse and tried to wait patiently for her to return my call. I hear nothing so I call again that afternoon and left another message (it always automatically goes to voicemail so they can sift through the calls before they call anyone back). Monday ends and I never hear from anyone. So I call back first thing Tuesday. I still don't hear anything by lunchtime so I decide to call another number and it just goes to another voicemail. Ugh!!!! So frustrating! The reason I'm calling like a stalker is because I have to go in for the baseline ultrasound and start the fertility meds by the 4th day of my cycle. So I'm on a little dealine here! Well, I finally get a call back from another nurse because the IUI nurse I always deal with is out of the office for the afternoon. She schedules my baseline ultrasound for the next morning (today).

I go in for my appointment and discuss with her my concerns about the schedule this month and if our ski trip (and me skiing) is going to affect the IUI this month. She tells me that the schedule won't be affected at all and that I'm cleared to ski if I want to. And it turns out that we would be set up to do the IUI next week! Yeah!! I get soooo exited. That is until she does the ultra sound and finds that my cysts has not fully gone away. The doctor isn't in the office so she can't show her right then so she sends me for blood work to check my progesterone level and she is going to call the doctor to ask her what we should do. If the level is under 50, then we are good to go, but if not, we will have to skip another month. At this time, I still think we are good to go and I'm planning my next week and telling my boss that I have another appointment next week, etc.

Then this evening, I get a call from Julia, the IUI nurse and she informs me that my progesterone level is 150! It's supposed to be under 50! What that means is that the follicle that's hanging out is still producing hormones and trying to release an egg, but it can't. So we have to take another month off and she gave me a stronger birth control to try to get rid of the cyst. She said it's a lot stronger so it's probably going to cause more headaches. So not looking forward to that.

I guess the ONLY good thing that came out of all of this is that I can go on the ski trip and ski and have fun without having to worry about if I'm going something to jeopardize the IUI or something. I'm really looking forward to this trip, so it will be nice to be able to relax and not have to worry about anything for a whole week.

So, we're just waiting for next month...

I'm having a bad day.

Today has been a "down" day for me. I don't know why but my emotions are really high today and I don't know how to get out of this funk. I've spent a lot of the day reading other people's blogs. Blogs that they started because they had infertility problems. I was searching for blogs like this because I needed to see someone having the same emotions and feelings that I have at this point. But every one I found had been updated because they finally got their baby, or in most cases because we're all dealing with fertility drugs, babies. And while it made me very hopeful to see that it did finally happen for these people and it gave me more reason to believe that it will one day also happen for us, I didn't want to read those blogs. I got the same amount of jealously towards them as I do for every other pregnant woman out there. I got the same "it's not fair" feeling that I've had for the last 2 years. Granted, I don't know these people. And if I did, I would probably be really happy for them because I understand how hard this is. But I don't know these people and I think maybe that's why the jealously is stronger than the happiness.

Another thing that was very frustrating to me was that I couldn't find one blog about anyone that had unexplained infertility like me. They all had explanations and reasons and this helped them and their doctors know exactly what steps needed to be taken. I want to read about someone that's been told over and over again that they can't find anything wrong and that their body is doing exactly what it's supposed to but they still don't know what's wrong. I would be happy to find this blog and see that this person did get pregnant and how they got pregnant. Was it through IUI or IVF or what? How many rounds did it take them? I want to read about someone else that had to sit out a month because the fertility meds caused a cyst. I want to read about how emotional all of the medicine made them. And I want to read about how they just get more frustrated when people tell them to "stay positive", "be patient",or "your time is coming, I just know it". I know people say those things because that's the natural thing to say and because people are trying to be supportive. I would be saying the same things to someone if things were different.

This has just felt like the longest month because we had to sit it out and just wait. There are only 2 months left to get pregnant to be able to have a baby in 2010 and it's starting to feel like our chances are pretty slim to be able to accomplish that. And I know that some people are going to say "it doesn't matter if you have a baby in 2010 as long as you get pregnant in 2010". But if you ask anyone that has been trying for as long as we have, it does matter. We've gone through two Christmas's that I thought for sure we would have a baby by the time the holiday came. It's very hard to have that day in your head all year long and then when that day comes and goes (twice now) and there has been no progress, then you are in the same place you were the year before. So naturally, I'm already wondering what this next Christmas is going to be like. Will we have our baby and be excited about the holidays and showing him/her off to our families? Or will I finally be pregnant and get to talk to everyone about how excited we are? Or will we still not have an answer?

I'm not trying to be negative or am I asking for sympathy. This blog is meant for me to express my thoughts throughout this process and that's all I'm doing. And I swear there won't be many like this...it's just one of those days.

Now I'm obsessed!

OK, so I'm offically obsessed with getting an SLR camera. The more I see other people's blogs and they have these really GREAT pictures, the more I really think I would enjoy that hobby. I want to be able to take awesome pictures with great color and lighting instead of the blurred images I get from my current digital camera. I want to be able to learn all about the right way to take a picture and use the editing software. And maybe, if I can start this new hobby soon... I will be so prepared to take perfect pictures when a little one finally comes! So my new goal as of right now, is to save up for this camera and learn how to use it (hint hint David...)


Oh! And can we please talk about how nice it is outside?!?! It's 60 degrees and sunny in the middle of January! I love it!

Monday...ugh!!!!!!!

Well, it's Monday and back to work!

But we had a fun weekend. Friday night we went out to dinner at Zio's. We used to LOVE Zio's. It was our first date and we had it catered at our wedding reception. But I guess there are new owners and they've changed up some stuff, including my favorite meal, manicotti! I think they just changed their alfredo sauce. I was so disappointed!

Then Saturday we got up and went to the gym for about an hour and a half and then went and ate lunch at Panera Bread. This is becoming our Saturday morning routine and I really like it!
Then Saturday night we had 2 birthday celebrations to attend. One was for Jon Phillips at Bailey Ranch Golf Club. It was a surprise birthday thrown by his wife Keina. It was fun and we got to eat and drink and have cake. Then we went to CJ Moloney's for Jocelyn's birthday. We weren't sure if we were going to make it or not, but I'm glad we did because it was a lot of fun. But the next morning, I realized why we NEVER go out. I was sooooo tired and mad about spending so much money. It's fun while we are in the moment, but it sure does suck the next day! I don't know how we used to do it ALL the time. David & I would go out Friday & Saturday nights every single weekend when we first met and it was no big deal. But now we just can't seem to handle it. I'm more than happy to sit at home on the weekends, curled up watching a movie, or having a game night.

Here are a few pictures from the night...

Me & Jocelyn

Awww, isn't he sweet?

Look! We have matching double chins! Ha!

Catch Up

Ok, so I'm creating this blog to keep you all posted on things that are going on with us. When I first had the idea for this blog, I kind of just wanted it to be about our progress with P90X. And I would post a "before" picture and an "after" picture. And the more people knew about it and expecting an "after" picture at the end, the more we would have to actually stick to it! But then the more I thought about it, I thought it would be good to document everything that's going on because it will all tie in together.
And as most of you know, the big thing that's going on is our struggle to have a baby. I know that some of you want to know what's going on but are not sure if you should ask us or how to handle the situation. So I thought, by starting this blog, I could keep you all updated and informed. So if you are interested, then log on and see what's up. But if you aren't, don't and you don't have to hear about it! :) I do have to warn you, I will probably say some gross words like "sperm" and "uterus", so if you don't want to hear about any of that stuff then don't read it! I will try to put a disclaimer at the beginning of each post to prepare you!
We're sharing this blog with people that are very important to us and we appreciate all of you being in our lives. We really value all of your support and love.

OK, so...I'm not sure who knows what but here is the break down. We've been trying to start a family for 2 years now. The first year went by and I was getting very nervous and worried that something was going on, but the doctors always tell you to try for at least a year at our age. So when the year was up, we made an appointment to get checked out at the Tulsa Fertilty Center. My insurance didn't cover very much for these tests so we knew we would be limited on how much we could do at one time. But we thought that if we could find what the problem was, we would know what to do to fix it and figure out the cost later. Well, it turns out nothing was wrong with either one of us. Our only option at this point was to wait until I could change my insurance at work to where it covered more. So in October 2009 I finally got to change my insurance and we made our follow up appointment at Tulsa Fertility Center. We had to do a few more tests and then it was on to the IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). And basically, this is a process where I am put on fertility medicine to help form follicles that release the eggs. I take a "trigger shot" that forces me to ovulate. They track my ovulation very carefully and then schedule a day for insemination. On that day, they take David's sperm and spin it and wash it and then all of the good viable sperm are placed in a small catheter and then inserted through the opening of the cervix into the uterus.
Then we wait.
A week after the insemination, I go back in for a blood test to check my progesterone level. This determines how thick the lining in your uterus is (the thicker the better because it makes it easier for the fertilized egg to attach and implant) and if the level is not high enough, I'm prescribed hormones.
Then we wait another week until I take a blood pregnancy test.
Well, we went through all of this in December and our first cycle came out negative. The doctor said that everything did what it was supposed to do and my body reacted how it was supposed to, it's just that it doesn't work every time. Actually, there is only a 30% chance of this working each cycle.
So we found out it was negative on New Year's Eve. I feel like I handled the news pretty well and it's probably because I had other things on my mind...like the party we were having that night! I had so much to do, I barely thought about it all. I didn't actually think about it all and break down until the Sunday after New Year's. I think I just got upset at the idea of having to start the process all over again because all of the medicine effected me so much. My hormones are all over the place, I have headaches all the time, and I'm sooooo moody. It's like PMS x 100! But then I got over it and started getting excited that I would be going back to the doctor the next day to try again. I was trying to be optimistic.
Well, so I go to the appointment and I'm supposed to have an ultrasound done to check for cysts because the fertility medicine I was taking sometimes causes them. I didn't think anything about it and I was just expecting to be in there for about 5 minutes, they would give me my prescriptions and schedule out our appointments for the month and I would be on my way. Well, that didn't happen. It turns out I had a cyst. So the only thing to do is sit this month out and try again later. The cyst will go away with the help of birth control that they gave me to take for this month and then I will go back in for another ultrasound. The only problem is that next mont is our ski trip, so I don't know how all of the scheduling is going to work out, but more than likely, I will have to skip February too. :(

So that's about everything having to do with that! I will now try to focus on more positive and upbeat things...like P90X!
David and I have really buckled down and focused on getting in to shape. Last year we waited too long and before we knew it, it was summer and we were NOT in the shape we wanted to be in. This past Sunday we did our first P90X video. We also started running again and I'm walking 2 miles almost every day at lunch. This week, we've only been able to do parts of the videos because we are so out of shape and sore from the days before! So this week we are just going to try to go through all of the videos to see what we're getting in to and then the REAL thing starts on Sunday!!! We will probably still have to take breaks during the videos but we are going to do the whole thing! So stay tuned for our "before" pictures (David is sooo looking forward to me posting these pictures for everyone to see).