If you don't know our story, here is a quick recap:
After years of trying, on our own and with the help of fertility through 6 IUIs, and 1 miscarriage, we finally conceived our twins, Connor and Chloe, through IVF. When we did IVF, we got 3 embryos. We implanted 2 (the twins) and froze the remaining embryo to use at a later date.
This time last year, we decided a time frame we knew would be right for us to go ahead and transfer the 3rd embryo. We had a vacation planned for the summer of 2013 to go to the beach I knew I wanted to get through that before we did anything. So after we got back, we started the process and on August 1st our last remaining embryo was transferred.
I really had a lot of confidence that it was going to work. It was out of the same "batch" the twins came from and nothing was wrong with it and it survived the thaw, so why wouldn't it work? Well...it didn't work. I wasn't pregnant. I was devastated because it hit me right then that I was never going to be pregnant again. I was never going to have a baby again. I was never going to experience all of the firsts again.
I was also really angry. I feel like I didn't get to fully enjoy the baby stage with the twins. As I have mentioned before, it was really hard for me and I was just trying to survive. Every day was a learning process until we were able to get into a routine that worked for all of us and that took a lot of time. I didn't feel like I got to just sit around and cuddle each of my babies. I had to share my attention as well as try to get myself feeling better and back to normal. I was stressed and just not enjoying it like I feel like I should have. So I was looking forward to having just one baby at a time, to really enjoy this time around. I should know what I'm doing by then and this one would have been a piece of cake.
So in my anger, the twins first year and a half flew by in my mind and I would just cry that I missed it all. Even though I didn't really miss it, I guess I just felt like it went by too fast and now they aren't babies anymore.
So after I got over that, I became okay with the fact that they were going to be my only ones. I actually became more than okay with it. I was really happy with it and just decided that I'm going to be excited about the future and not stay upset about what did or didn't happen.
Connor and Chloe are getting in to the really fun stage. They are talking and saying really silly things. They are dancing and playing on their own and together really well. I don't have to constantly be holding one and I can actually socialize in public without having a child strapped to me. I realized that I was getting my freedom back and really getting the hang of being a mom to toddlers. I didn't even want a baby anymore. I was happy I didn't have to think about breastfeeding and getting sleep in 3 hour increments.
Shortly after all of this, we had a neighborhood garage sale and I had a lot of baby stuff to get rid of! I had car seats, bouncers, swings, bath seats and let me remind you, there were 2 of everything. I sold about half of it and made a good dent and put the rest aside to donate or to sell at the next baby consignment sale we have here in town in the spring.
About a month after that, I started feeling really bad. I just wasn't myself. I also tried to look at a calendar to count back to my last period and I couldn't figure it out. The only thing I knew was our garage sale was over 4 weeks ago and I wasn't on it then. So when I was getting groceries that week, I decided to pick up a test. I knew it was stupid but I also knew something wasn't right. I took the test in the middle of unloading the groceries and actually almost forget to go check the results before I went to pick up the kids from school.
I was completely shocked when I read "PREGNANT" on the test! I couldn't believe it. All I kept thinking was "How?!" It's so weird that when it wasn't working for so long I had so many questions about why it wasn't working and now I had so many questions on why it did, when we weren't even trying, when we had actually just finally given up!
Through our years of trying, people would always tell me that if we just quit trying or quit thinking about it, that it would happen and that used to make me so mad. I would just think so myself "they don't know what they are talking about. There is something wrong with me, it's science, it has nothing to do with if I'm thinking about it or not."
Well, I have no idea why or how this happened, but it did and we are so excited about this next chapter. I am currently 12 weeks and I'm due in June. The twins will be a little less than 2 1/2 when this baby is born.
We have told them that Momma has a baby in her belly and if you ask them where Momma's baby is Chloe says "in Momma's belly sleeping" and Connor tries to look under my shirt for the baby.
So far, everything is looking great at our doctor's appointments and we have decided not to find out the sex of the baby until it's born. That's a little different for me, the planner, but I think it will be a fun pregnancy this way. I also have gender neutral baby stuff anyway and girl and boy sleepers and onesies from newborn on up to their current size now. So I have all of the basic stuff to be able to not find out what it is. Luckily we still have one car seat, one bouncer, and one swing too!
Our elf Boomer helped us spread the news this weekend: