Changes

I've only been pregnant for about 27 hours, but already everything has changed for me. I know it probably sounds cheesy but it really has! My outlook on everything has changed and I'm so happy right now. I have something to look forward to and it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.

I told tons of people the news yesterday. Mainly the people that have been following along with everything that we've been going through and all the people that sent me messages letting me know they were thinking of me yesterday morning and our close family. I told a few people here at work that have known what's been going on and it's spread a little bit around the office. I have a friend here at work that is like a second mom to me and she is running around like a proud grandma telling everyone. She even started crying when I first told her the news.

I think I'm still in a little bit of shock, but it's feeling more real with each person I tell. But I told David yesterday that I feel like I'm lying to people when I tell them because it seemed like it wasn't ever really going to happen! I mean, I feel like I'm pretending I'm pregnant or something.

Everyone has really made me feel loved and it's helping with my excitement even more. So many people have said that they feel like they just found out they are pregnant when I told them the news. It really has shown me how many people have been routing for us. It makes me feel proud that I'm finally able to give people good news instead of sad news that makes everyone feel uncomfortable!

I made my first doctor's appointment today with my new OB. I'll still be going to the the Tulsa Fertility Clinic until they release me around 8 or 9 weeks, but my first appointment with the OB is at 8 weeks on Sept. 27th. I don't know much about the pregnancy time line yet because I haven't had a chance to read anything about it, but the girl on the phone said that he will do an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat. That's crazy because in about a month I will already get to hear the heartbeat! That is unless it happens before that at TFC. But for now, I'm looking forward to my first ultrasound at TFC in about 2 weeks. It's going to be here before I know it!

The Result...

It's Positive!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, I can finally say that...

I'm Pregnant!!!!

I'm freaking out a little bit and I'm still in complete shock. It doesn't feel real at all right now. I'm so excited and I don't even know what to do first!

I got the call around 12:45 this afternoon and I decided to answer it because for some reason, I just knew. I knew, but at the same time I was trying to talk myself down from it because I didn't want to really get my hopes up and then get really upset if it was negative. So all morning my stomach was in knots and I felt like I was going to throw up from nerves.

So I answered the call and the nurse said "I just wanted to call and tell you Congratulations". It didn't even really hit me then...I was like "REALLY?!?!" She told me that my HCG is 103 which is good (I haven't even looked this up on the internet yet to find out what it all means), and they tested my progesterone again and it's still above 20, which is good.

I go back next Tuesday for another blood test to check the levels again and at that time they will schedule my first ultra sound for about 6 1/2 weeks. I'm 4 weeks along today so the ultra sound should be in about 2 1/2 weeks. I will keep going to the fertility clinic until they release me to go to my regular OB around 8 or 9 weeks. I am in the process now of searching for an OB.

So after I got the call, I left work to go tell David in person. He kept calling me but I didn't answer because I didn't want to spill the news before I got to him. I walked in his office and he was completely surprised to see me. I told him that I wanted to tell him in person that I was pregnant. I think he smiled bigger than I've ever seen him smile before. It was so weird to finally be able to say those words to him. I've pictured it so many times but it was nothing like I ever thought. I had a whole plan on how I was going to tell him. I was going to buy some kind of baby something and have him open it and he would figure it all out, but those plans went out the window because there was no way I was going to go to the store before I went to see him. I had to get to him asap!

I came home after that because there is no way I can work after this news! Are you kidding me?!?! I've been on the phone with friends and family ever since and the more I say it, the more it becomes real.

I got so many messages this morning from friends wishing me luck and letting me know they were thinking about me before I got the results. I never imagined that we would have this much support from people.

I want to thank EVERYONE that has followed along with us on this journey. No one can really understand how much it has all meant to us to know that we really weren't alone in all of this and that we had so many people routing for us. We appreciate it so much and we can't wait to share the next 9 months with you. I hope you don't get sick of hearing EVERY detail!

Anticipation

It's killing me. Actually, I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm nervous, excited, but also dreading Monday. I got up this morning and it was the first thing I thought about...that after the weekend is over, I will be getting up and going to the doctor. My appointment for my blood work is at 8:00 and I will probably get the phone call with the results around noon.

I keep having flashbacks to all the other phone calls that delivered the bad news and I try to keep myself from just breaking down at the thought of that happening again. I know that if it's negative, we will just move on with IVF as soon as we can, but it makes me sad because I feel like this negative result will mean failure. That word again. I don't know why it feels that way, it just does. I'm scared to death that if we move on IVF, spend all that money, and then it doesn't work either. Then I'm in big trouble.

So I'm trying to save some work to have to do on Monday morning so I'm not constantly checking my phone every minute to see if I missed the call. I'm going to try to keep myself as busy as possible. And that's another thing, I've been trying to decide if I'm even going to answer the call or just let it go to voicemail and let the nurse break it to me in a message instead of telling me over the phone. That way, if it's negative, I can just start crying instead of having to try to keep it together while I'm on the phone with her. And that way, I can get my cry out of the way and get my list of questions about starting the IVF process, and compose myself well enough to call her back later.

I've had so many mixed feelings the last 2 weeks. Sometimes I feel like "Yes, I just know it worked this time!" And I start looking at the baby stuff in the stores when I'm there to buy something else. And then the other times, I've already started figuring out my IVF schedule and planning for how we will pay for it. My weekend and Labor Day lake plans have all evolved around "Well, if I'm pregnant, I would rather do this..." or "I guess we can just go ahead and do this if I'm not pregnant". It's consumed my every thought (not that it didn't do that already). I feel like this is it...make or break it time...the last straw...

Hold on buttons!!!

My pants are starting to fit a bit snug these days and I feel helpless! Last week, I ate horribly almost every single day. My meals consisted of pizza, cheeseburgers (more than once!), pasta, cookies, cake, candy, more candy, chips, Monkey Bread, and that's just the stuff I can remember! Who knows what else I shoved into my gourd! That's what happens the whole week before and after your birthday. People tell you "oh, have another cookie...it's your birthday!"

I wasn't able to walk at lunch too much last week because of my doctor's appointment, and then trying to make up some time from that so I wouldn't have to take vacation and then I was off on Friday. And I haven't been walking at night or doing any exercise because my strategy for this IUI is to relax and not over do ANYTHING. So I've made my butt mark permanently into my spot on the couch. And because of this, my housework and my pants are suffering! So, my plan of action now is to get off the sweets and fattening food only diet and get back to something that makes me feel like I'm not out of control. More chicken, rice, and salads for me.

I've also starting a plan for my house cleaning. I made a list of all the things that need to be cleaned around the house on a regular basis. Then, I split these items out...one per day. So yesterday, I cleaned the bathrooms, top to bottom (we never use the bathroom upstairs so I will only have to clean it about once a month or so). And today I will dust and vacuum everything. It might suck that I'm doing something every day, but at least I won't be spending several hours on a Saturday or Sunday trying to get everything done at one time. And I can always skip a day if I feel like it, but I'm going to try to stay on this schedule so I don't let things get too bad. And this way I will be able to make time to clean those annoying things like the baseboards and windows that I'm always too tired to clean after I've finished cleaning everything else. I guess I really didn't realize how much more housework comes with having a bigger house!

Happy Birthday to me!

My birthday was this past Sunday. I took the day off on Friday and David and I spent the day at the lake by ourselves, just relaxing. I got some good practice loading and unloading the boat and some good laying out time.

Sarah and Matt came up to hang out with us on the water on Saturday.

Saturday night we went out to eat at a really good restaurant right on the water.

Thank you David for trying to make my birthday extra special. And thank you to all of my friends and family that sent me birthday wishes all weekend long!

BTW: My progesterone was over 20 yesterday so that means my lining is good and I don't have to take any supplements this week.

Setting myself up

Well, it's official...I've got my hopes up. I had totally dismissed this IUI before we even started the whole cycle. I had already moved on to IVF in my mind and started mentally preparing for how to pay for it, what month we would be starting it, etc. Well, it probably wasn't 5 minutes after I walked out of the doctor's office that I had convinced myself that I was already pregnant.

It's impossible to think positive without getting your hopes up. And it's extremely easy when you're just trying to prepare yourself for the worst. So I'm not sure which is the better way to go. But right now, I'm doing the first one and I'm totally expecting that I'm setting myself up for a huge disappointment and I feel like this one will probably be the hardest because it will mean that we will be moving on to the next and final step as far as we can see.

Anyway, on Friday night (before all of this madness started playing out in my head) David decided to run a 5K 105 degree weather. I wasn't pumped about going and sitting out in the heat but I needed to be there in case he passed out from heat stroke! He did pretty good for not doing anything like that in a while. There were 35 people in his age group and he finished 13 out of those 35.

IUI # 4

Today we had our 4th IUI. As far as I know, everything went as good as it could have. David had a good count and Dr. Blackwell was happy with the number and size of my follicles. Again, she said the same thing that she's said with the other IUIs, that there is a risk for multiples because of the number of follicles I have. She said that there could possibly be 4 eggs released. And as crazy as it sounds, I told David I would be perfectly happy with 4 babies if it meant that we never had to go back to that place again!

I go back next Monday for bloodwork to test my progesterone and then I go back on the 30th for the pregnancy bloodwork.

Dr. Appointment Update

Today was my appointment for my ultrasound to see how my follicles are doing. The results are...Right ovary has 3 follicles and the sizes are 18, 18, and 12 and the Left ovary also has 3 follicles and the sizes are 22, 19, and 12. So since they aren't quite the size Dr. Backwell wanted them to be at, she wants me to continue taking the Follistim (injections) tonight and tomorrow night. Then I will trigger on Saturday night. The IUI is scheduled for Monday. David will go make his deposit at 9:30 am and then I will go in for the insemination at 11:00 am.

I'm frustrated and I'm just ready to get all of this over with and find out if we need to move on with IVF or not. I just ready to be done with the Fertility Clinic and the people there. I always leave there more upset than when I went in and I don't feel any sensitivity from the people there. They see people in my situation every day and they must all just be numb to the fact that this is the most important thing in some people's lives. I'm ready to move on.

On a happier note, I wanted to share some pictures I took at Jaxon's birthday party this past weekend...

Jaxon's face is PRICELESS in this picture. I giggle everytime I look at it. I wish his face was in better focus, but it's still cute.

Birthday Celebration Weekend

This was a weekend full of celebrating birthday's. First, it was David's turn. We met his family out at the lake for a day on the boat. We cooked out and then went out to swim, ride around, and ski.

Then I had to leave the lake to head to Sarah's house to take pictures for her son Jaxon's 2nd birthday. They had tons of family there and I just went around trying to get pictures of everything. Jaxon looked like he had the best time at his party and his mommy Sarah did such a good job. I'll post some pictures from the party after I get them edited and to Sarah.

But for now, I'll post the invitation Sarah made using my pictures from the splash pad photo session of Jaxon.

I'm so happy that everyone loved the pictures so much.

In fertility news...today was my last day of taking the oral medication Femara and I'm really happy about that because I've had non-stop headaches the whole week on it. It starts about an hour after I take the medicine and it lasts all the way until I go to sleep. It's miserable!!! Tomorrow I start the injectable Follistim. I'm really comfortable with the shots and I'm ready because that means that I'm getting closer to my appointment on Thursday to find out how my follicles are doing!

Happy Birthday to my Mr.

Yesterday was David's birthday and I didn't do a birthday post because I was too busy spending time with him. For a week, I've been asking him what he wanted to do for his birthday and he would just respond with "it's just another day...". But birthday's are not just another day to me. It's the one day out of the whole year that's just yours and everyone celebrates you the whole day. So it should be special!

Well, I tried my hardest, but it's difficult when his birthday was on a Wednesday night and the poor guy is exhausted from work all the time. So we kept it low key and I think he enjoyed it. When he got home from work, he opened his gifts...a brand new gas grill and all the accessories to go along with it. I think he was really surprised because he never would have guessed I would have gotten him a grill. I'm so excited for him to put it together and fire it up! Maybe we'll grill something out this weekend...
After gifts, we went out to eat at Ruby Tuesday. We love the salad there and we haven't been there in a while and that's the place he wanted to go. Then it was home to watch Big Brother and then bedtime.

He wouldn't let me take a birthday pic, so to punish him...I'm going to post this one until he lets me take one...

David, I hope you had a very special birthday because you are really special to me. I love you so much! Muah!

Here we go again...

I had an appointment with Dr. Blackwell today for my baseline ultrasound and it's basically to check my ovaries and make sure there are no pesky cysts hangin out there. And everything looked perfect so we got the go ahead to try our 4th IUI this cycle.

They got my meds ordered and I filled my first prescription on my way home. I start the Femara tomorrow. It's just an oral taken twice a day for the next 5 days. Then I move on to the Follistim which is the daily injectible that I'm doing 3 days this cycle. After those 3 days are up, I go back in to see Dr. B. for my mid cycle ultrasound to check on my follicles and for her to determine when I take my trigger shot and when the insemination will happen. My guess is that the insemination will be next Friday. I'll know more at my appointment to check the follicles next Thursday. She did say that she is focusing more on getting the follicles to the right size instead of focusing on how many follicles I have. Her ideal situation would be to have 2 follicles around size 25. So let's keep our fingers crossed!

I was able to use my flexible spending account through work to pay for the previous IUIs and for the laparoscopy, but that money has now run out...I actually just used the very last $10.00 of it today for my appointment. So now everything is coming straight out of pocket and it's stressing me out. Before it just felt like everything was free because I didn't see the money coming out of the checking account. The money was being taken out before I even saw it on my paycheck, so it's like it was free! Not so much any more. Now I'm feeling every freakin penny come out and it makes the stress of it not working that much more. But I'm just going to have to get over that...