I'm 19 weeks today!
I figured it's time to talk about this baby and how special it really is to us. I know I keep saying this, but I honestly still can't wrap my head around it. It's crazy how this all has happened and I just can't believe it. How did this happen? Why did it happen like this? So many questions that I will never have answers to.
And I know I don't need the answers, it's just something I think about a lot. I also wonder why this happened to me and not others that are in the same situation. That really bothers me and I wish I could fix it or not feel as guilty as I do about it. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, it's out of my control just like our whole story has been out of my control. It's just hard to know the pain that others are going through because we have been there too.
I am also trying to embrace this pregnancy. Of course, I'm still complaining how I don't feel good and how I'm so tired all the time. But I think that's just part of it. I'm also chasing 2 toddlers around and not getting to just lay down when I want to. But I'm not taking all of this for granted. I know for sure this will be my last time so I take the time to feel every kick and jab and I let myself get excited. David finally got to feel a kick for the first time last night too!
One thing I hate about having a new baby is picking a name! It's so stressful. I feel like with the twins, I had a name I loved for Chloe and Connor's was a little harder to figure out. We couldn't decide if we wanted something that went together for them or if it even mattered.
I think we liked Connor just on it's own and it just happened to go with Chloe. I actually liked Chloe better with a "K" but since we picked Connor I decided to have it with a "C".
So we're having kind of the same issues with this baby. We have to pick a boy and a girl name again since we aren't finding out what it is (this is starting to get hard for me!), and I feel like we have a girl name that sticks out to us more than others and it just happens to start with a "C". I don't feel like we are doing that on purpose, to make them all have "C" names, but it does all flow together and we like them all.
And again, we are having problems with picking a boy name. I think boy names are so much harder because there are not as many original choices out there. Girl names can be cute and sweet and there are a ton of them, but boy names have to be cute for a little boy and then also strong for them to grow into.
I have a boy name that sticks out to me and yes, it starts with a "C", but I want David to be completely on board with it too before we decide for sure. He does like it and it's for sure in our top 3 but he just can't pick a favorite right now. It's so stressful! It's like this baby is a complete mystery and it's stressful! No gender and no name! Ugh!
People ask me if Connor and Chloe know what's going on. We do talk about the new baby and all they know is that Mommy has a baby in her belly and they usually say the baby is sleeping. And sometimes they stick out their bellies and say they have a baby in there too. But I don't think they have any idea that we will have an actual baby in a few months. How in the world could they possibly understand that right now?
We bought a book about having a new baby and I've read it to them once. They just thought it was a book about a baby, and a mommy and a daddy and a little boy.
I know they won't get it until it actually happens, so we will just keep talking about it as much as we can but also focus on giving them as much attention as we can before the baby comes.
They are pretty used to having to share attention anyways, since neither one of them have ever been an only child. They have always had to share Mommy and Daddy and their toys (even though they hate sharing toys!). They don't seem to get jealous if I'm holding one of them and not the other. They don't fight over us, except when they are getting out of the bath tub, they both want Mommy to get them out.
Our plan for the bedrooms is to keep the baby in the original nursery we made for the twins downstairs. Chloe has already been moved to her own room next to the nursery and Connor is currently still in the nursery. They are both still in cribs and I'm really not ready to give that up, but I also don't want to buy a third crib.
So the plan is to move Connor to the upstairs bedroom and put him in a twin bed and keep the crib in the nursery. I picked Connor because I feel he is less likely to get out of bed. Chloe wakes up early and then plays in her crib for a while before we all get up and sometimes she even falls back asleep. I just know that if she was moved out of a crib, she would wake everyone up every Saturday at 6:00 am! Connor sleeps in later and even when he does wake up, he just lays there and plays with his blanket. So we're moving him upstairs and making him an airplane room.
I figured we would make this move around April sometime. That way it won't happen at the same time the new baby takes over his current room. I want him to feel like he is getting a new big boy room and not like he is being kicked out of his room.
So that's all that's going on with the new baby. I feel like we have the main things we need for it, so I'm not stocking up on baby things like I did the last time. We're just taking it day by day and just waiting for it to get here which is really weird to not prepare for a baby! But I really don't know what I need to be doing. I do have a list of things I know I need to get, but nothing major. And I do have a crate of newborn clothes to go through and wash but I really don't know what else I should be doing! This is so different from last time!